Cancerous.

So grandma has cancer.
I've been trying to explain how positive-ness can help reduce this disease in her body. But its much more difficult to explain it in English that the images that pass through my mind.
I can't simply learn to pretend its not there.
In my world there's no such thing.
You either deal with it, or forget about it.
But faking it?
To your family and friends, you push all those tears into a yellow jar.
Now, the most difficult thing ever would be to release the cap of this jar and show everyone how afraid you truly are.
And I'm not here to make you afraid.
I'm here to help you.

It's not bologna.
It is for real. The cancer is there, and it has spread. Your doctors are caring for you but honestly, is your family?
Do they even care that much?
Do I?

Sometimes, you have to do what right.
When I lost my uncle, I was so mad at myself for not having feelings.
After all, I didn't know him that well, but I knew he was the best.
It's the same situation with my grandmother.
I've often asked myself multiple times, what would happen if I were to know what would be the outcome of Uncle Fernando's situation.
And,
I've just had an epiphany.

I know the antidote.
And I have a firm grasp of the issue at hand.

Sometimes,
it takes the little things like
fear,
rejection,
and selfishness.
To understand, what's your worth in this world.

She's going to be positive,
even for a moment.
And although I will have to remind myself that this isn't because it is my time to shine in front of a family whom I wish could hate me more,
It's because I'm going to save her life.

This is what's going to happen,
I'm going to throw her a party.
Not a "Oh My G*D! Lets get drunk"
in fact,
it is a lets celebrate that she has life.
I'm going to hang Jesus up in the room, HE will be there. Whether she choses to acknowledge him or not, I want him present for when she is happy. So that he can know that her life is one worth saving.
I will ask the entire family to pray everynight,
whether they are or are not into the prayer industry,
It doesn't matter.
It cannot possibly hurt them to save her life than it will when hers is gone.

My plan is in motion.
I'm going to save her life.